i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize