i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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