epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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