he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
