Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
