I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
