I must be too annoying 4 u.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
