people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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