Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
