You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
