the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize