Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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