i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My dick has a subreddit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
