I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
