There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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