I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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