In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
