She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
