There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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