Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
