Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize