I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
