I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
