Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize