Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
