i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
