The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bring money and cleavage
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
