I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
