she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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