In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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