Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish you could order shots online.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
