There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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