if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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