i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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