im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
