omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
