You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
