this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
