I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
