u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So. Much. Porn.
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