Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Send help, water and tortillas.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
