Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
