I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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