Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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