so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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