there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
