Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
