Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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