I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
