On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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