I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
