a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
