i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize