My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
