Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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