do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
