How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
