my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
