Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
