My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
