Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
