I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
