I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
