I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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