Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
