I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
