And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
