Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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