I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
