my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
