Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
