I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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