You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
