also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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