Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
