did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
