Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
