Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I forget how to act sober
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
