i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
