I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
