he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
