I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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