either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
