You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize