Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We need to rekindle our bromance
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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