New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
