I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
