I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize