it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
