scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
