That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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