I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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