I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
