Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
